Show Notes
Introduction
Parenting a child with PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) or autism can feel overwhelming, especially when trying to find effective strategies for support. Traditional approaches often focus on outcomes—like milestones or behavior management—without considering the deep needs of both the child and the parent. In this episode of the Attuned Spectrum Podcast, I sat down with Rachel Gebers, a Pediatric Occupational Therapist, to explore how PDA parenting and occupational therapy (OT) can build a solid foundation for long-term wellbeing for both children and families.
We moved from a rigid, outcome-focused approach to one rooted in neurodiversity-affirming practices that center the child’s sensory needs, safety, and overall emotional regulation. Let’s take a closer look at why relationships matter, why we must slow down to create real progress, and how PDA parenting and occupational therapy can help both the child and parent thrive.
If you’re looking for ongoing support, we’d love for you to join the Raising PDA Community Waitlist for exclusive content and a space where you can connect with other families navigating PDA parenting.
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Supporting Sensory Needs: The Foundations of PDA Parenting and Occupational Therapy
When it comes to supporting children with autism or PDA, we often start with the wrong focus. The first step isn’t behavioral intervention or trying to fix the child’s deficits; it’s about ensuring that the child’s nervous system feels safe. In our conversation, Rachel shared how paediatric occupational therapy focuses on building this foundation through co-regulation and creating an environment that feels supportive for the child.
For children on the autism spectrum, and especially for those who are PDA, sensory needs play a significant role in emotional regulation. But- and this is a biiiig but, so does understanding demand avoidance in our neurodivergent children. These children often experience overwhelming stimuli not only from the sensory environment, but from constant pressure and threats to their autonomy, making it crucial to create a safe space where their nervous system can feel calm and grounded. Rachel’s approach as an OT is not about rigidly pushing a child to fit into a mould but rather about understanding their individual differences, what makes them feel safe, and co-regulating alongside them and their parents. This work involves a lot of relationship-building between the parent, therapist, and child, where the child’s needs and the parent’s emotional state are both equally important.
For a deeper look into how co-regulation plays a pivotal role in building a strong foundation for success, check out our previous blog post on PDA Co-Regulation: Why You Are the Key to Success, which focuses on starting with the parent.
The Parent–The Parent–Therapist Relationship: Central to PDA Parenting and Occupational Therapy
One of the most powerful insights Rachel shared was the importance of the parent–therapist dyad. For progress to happen, both the parent and therapist must be aligned in their energy and approach. This means that the therapist needs to attune to the parent’s needs, ensuring that they’re in a regulated state before working with the child. It’s not just about the therapist being attuned to the child but also to the parent’s capacity to co-regulate and provide the right support.
When a parent is overwhelmed or stressed, this energy is passed onto the child, impacting the work being done. Rachel emphasized the need to build a relationship between the parent and therapist that is grounded in understanding and supporting parental capacity. A child’s nervous system cannot be properly regulated if the parent isn’t feeling supported first.
Moving from “Outcomes” to Long-Term Progress in PDA Parenting and Occupational Therapy
A key mindset shift discussed in this episode is the idea of moving from short-term, outcome-based strategies to long-term, relationship-driven care. In a world where parents are often pushed to achieve milestones quickly, we need to remember that true progress takes time. Rachel echoed the concept of “slow to go fast,” which is vital for long-term, sustainable growth. By slowing down, we allow space for meaningful connections to form and build a strong foundation for the child’s emotional regulation and sensory integration needs.
This approach, though slower, leads to lasting change and reduced avoidance behaviors, which are common in children with PDA. By focusing on the relationship and building trust, both the child and parent can experience a more peaceful and fulfilling path forward.
Equity vs Equality: Tailoring Support to the Child’s Needs in PDA Parenting
Equity is about meeting the child where they are and tailoring the support to their individual sensory needs and autonomy. Rachel emphasized that it’s not enough to simply provide the same support to every child in a classroom or household. Children with PDA need a low-demand, flexible environment where their autonomy is respected and their sensory needs are accounted for. This is especially true in school settings, where PDA children often struggle with the same systems that neurotypical children thrive in.
Creating equitable systems for children—whether in school, at home, or in therapy—is crucial. Rachel shared how supporting autonomy for PDA children helps them feel safe and connected, reducing stress and anxiety.
Ensuring You Find a Neurodiversity-Affirming Therapist for PDA Parenting
One of the most vital pieces of advice Rachel shared was how to find the right therapist—a therapist who is truly neurodiversity-affirming. This means seeking a therapist who will:
- Prioritize co-regulation and emotional safety over rigid strategies.
- Understand the importance of parental capacity and work with the parent as a partner in therapy.
- Avoid reward-based systems that focus on compliance, instead embracing strategies that support autonomy.
- Tailor the therapy to the child’s unique sensory needs and nervous system.
Finding a therapist who fits this model may take some time, but it is absolutely worth it. Rachel’s advice for parents? Listen to your child’s therapist and ask questions. Make sure they understand and respect the child’s neurodivergent profile and work with you as a team.
For further support and resources, you can connect with Rachel Gebers through her Instagram page Growing Joy OT. Rachel now offers online consults and is a wealth of knowledge on supporting young autistic children through DIR Floortime practice in a neurodiversity-affirming way.
Reflection & Hope
The journey to supporting a neurodivergent child is not a quick one, but it is a deeply rewarding one when done with care, patience, and intention. By prioritizing relationship, sensory needs, and co-regulation, we create an environment where both the child and the parent can thrive.
If you’re looking for ongoing support, we’d love for you to join the Raising PDA Community Waitlist for exclusive content and a space where you can connect with other families navigating PDA parenting.