Parenting an autistic or PDA child can be overwhelming, especially when you’re constantly running on empty. The first step in breaking the burnout cycle is to focus on your own well-being. In this blog post, we’ll dive into the first foundational pillar of Attuned Parenting — parent well-being and co-regulation, and why they are crucial for creating a calmer, more connected home.
As a neurodivergent parent myself, I know firsthand how difficult it is to be the regulated presence your child needs when your own nervous system is overwhelmed. That’s why, in this episode (and in today’s blog), we’re exploring how these two foundational pillars can transform your parenting and help you create a calmer, more connected home environment.
Why Parent Well-Being is the Foundation
Parent well-being is the cornerstone of co-regulation. When you’re feeling depleted, stressed, or anxious, it becomes much harder to co-regulate with your child, especially if they are also struggling to stay regulated.
Your nervous system impacts everything in the home. When you’re regulated, your child’s nervous system can mirror that safety, making it easier for them to manage their own emotions and behavior. But when you’re dysregulated, it can create a feedback loop of stress for both you and your child.
Co-regulation begins with parent regulation. That’s why, as parents, we must prioritize our well-being — it’s not an optional extra. It’s the foundation of every successful parenting strategy.
Unmasking: The Journey to Authentic Parenting
As a neurodivergent parent, I know the struggle of masking — trying to fit into societal expectations of “acceptable” behavior. For years, I’ve masked my true self to meet the needs of the world around me. But as I unmasked, I began to realize how much that was impacting my mental and emotional well-being.
Unmasking has been a journey of self-awareness. It’s about acknowledging my own needs, my triggers, and giving myself permission to process in real time without the pressure of having to “appear calm.”
This authenticity is not only vital for my own well-being, but also for my relationship with my child. When I embrace my true self, I show up more present, more grounded, and more available to my child’s emotional needs.
If you’re a neurodivergent parent or if you believe you might be, unmasking could be a crucial part of your journey. Embracing who you are allows you to parent from a space of truth, not pressure.
The 4-Step Co-Regulation Framework
Co-regulation isn’t about perfect calmness; it’s about being present. You can’t co-regulate if you’re constantly trying to “fix” yourself or your child. That’s why I teach a simple, four-step framework to help parents co-regulate with their children:
- Pause
Take a moment to interrupt your reaction. This can be a simple breath, a count to 3, or any physical gesture that stops your automatic response. Pausing doesn’t mean you’re calm — it just means you’re present enough to make a choice. - Observe
What is your child’s nervous system telling you? Are they in fight, flight, freeze, or collapse mode? Understanding their behavior as a nervous system response will help you respond with compassion instead of frustration. - Connect
Connection doesn’t always mean talking. Sometimes it’s about just being present, sitting near your child, or providing physical comfort. For others, it may mean offering space and allowing them to process at their own pace. - Support
Finally, give them what they need to feel safe again. This might mean reducing sensory input, offering comfort, or removing demands. Supporting them is about restoring autonomy and reducing pressure so they can regulate themselves.
The Takeaway: Are You Regulated Enough to Support Your Child?
A key shift in parenting neurodivergent children is recognizing that parent well-being is foundational. Before you can co-regulate, you must first ask: “Am I regulated enough to support my child right now?”
This isn’t about perfection — it’s about being regulated enough to create the safety your child needs.
Where to Next?
If you’re ready to dive deeper into these foundational tools and receive 30 days of community support, I invite you to sign up for the FREE Attuned Parenting Foundations course. This course goes into detail about the foundations of co-regulation and provides you with tools that will help you build a calmer, more regulated space for your family.
Join the course here: CLICK HERE.
No credit card required — just sign up and start today. I genuinely do not know how much longer this comprehensive course will remain free for, so grab it now while you can! x
